Oh my, today is not the day for me to write, but it's been too long. I have been doing horribly lately on eating right. Right now I know that this is one of the very few things that I can actually control, but yet I feel like I don't want control, I just want whatever feels good in the moment. Work is busy, home is incredibly stressful, memories are haunting me.... I am constantly stressing about everything, I just don't have any idea right now how to get my arms around my life. My parents and siblings are stressing me out ... I wonder if all these things are really stressing me or if I'm making them more intense and stressful just because of my other stuff going on.
I know what I have to do ...
I know that if I exercise, I will feel better and less stressed
I know if I track what I eat and follow WW I will feel better about myself and that will be what I have control over... yet I haven't been...
I really need to get back on track next week, I need to find good breakfasts and lunches because my wonderful loving husband has meal planned dinners, so they are done and they are healthy. It's snacks and other meals that I need control over.
I need to find some type of spiritual guidance... I just don't know where to turn...
I will get through this week and I will try to get myself straight for next week..
Maybe if I pack some boxes and get rid of stuff this weekend, I will feel better.
My Ticker
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Friday, August 21, 2009
Week 28
Well, I think this is week 28 and I just want to say, that I'm supper excited because I have logged my food this week be it good or bad all week including my dinner for tonight. I've had points left some days and dipped in to my weekly points. I got some activity points, although not a lot, but I've done more than 3500 steps everyday, which is pretty good. Some days I only get in about 2500 which is horrible!
Had some great food this week. Maybe I should start blogging our menu because I need a place to reflect back to our meals.
I feel very blessed to have a wonderful husband who supports me in everything I do and loves to cook for me and with me!
Had some great food this week. Maybe I should start blogging our menu because I need a place to reflect back to our meals.
I feel very blessed to have a wonderful husband who supports me in everything I do and loves to cook for me and with me!
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Sabotage
The last 2 days have been difficult emotionally because of things happening in my personal life that I'm not ready to write about. What I am willing to write down is that we are moving and have decided to leave all our friends and family and make a major change that we've been talking about for 15 yrs.
I see how hard it is on our family, our parents are older, our children are the only grandchildren on one side and the only local grandchildren on the other side. While I realize how hard it is on family, it's what we feel is best for us and our children. The stress of not exactly knowing when we will move and thinking of all the things that we have to do to move is SOOO stressful.
Trying really hard to keep things positive for my kids, but in my efforts to work full-time, be a positive mommy reinforcing that this is an exciting time for all of us, I have found that I have resorted to bad habits with my food.
I wish I could get myself in to a workout routine so that I could make that my obsession instead of eating 3 cookies, fast food for lunch and other junk I can't even think of at this point.
It totally sucks that I sabotage myself for that split second of what I think comforts me to only feel guilty about it after the fact and regret it but know I can't change it because what's done is done.
I vow today that I will go out for a walk instead of a walk to the kitchen to get something not good. I will go for a walk instead of getting something that is good for me if I'm not hungry.
Every day is a challenge. My favorite saying is what I found on fitago.com several weeks ago.
Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.
I gain comfort from the physic that I saw... 3 angels showed up in my cards, she said it's God telling me He wants to play in my sandbox this year and I need to trust in Him and let Him.
I see how hard it is on our family, our parents are older, our children are the only grandchildren on one side and the only local grandchildren on the other side. While I realize how hard it is on family, it's what we feel is best for us and our children. The stress of not exactly knowing when we will move and thinking of all the things that we have to do to move is SOOO stressful.
Trying really hard to keep things positive for my kids, but in my efforts to work full-time, be a positive mommy reinforcing that this is an exciting time for all of us, I have found that I have resorted to bad habits with my food.
I wish I could get myself in to a workout routine so that I could make that my obsession instead of eating 3 cookies, fast food for lunch and other junk I can't even think of at this point.
It totally sucks that I sabotage myself for that split second of what I think comforts me to only feel guilty about it after the fact and regret it but know I can't change it because what's done is done.
I vow today that I will go out for a walk instead of a walk to the kitchen to get something not good. I will go for a walk instead of getting something that is good for me if I'm not hungry.
Every day is a challenge. My favorite saying is what I found on fitago.com several weeks ago.
Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.
I gain comfort from the physic that I saw... 3 angels showed up in my cards, she said it's God telling me He wants to play in my sandbox this year and I need to trust in Him and let Him.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Week 27
Down 1.6 !! It was worth the 30 minute drive from our campsite to a WW location while on vacation to get that fabulous news!
Feel like I turned it around these last 2 weeks and can NOT lose momentum. I've lost 2.8 in 2 weeks, where the 2 weeks prior had been .2 gained each week. I'm at a total of 32.8 and am very eager to lose 1.x to be below 240.
I know I MUST exercise this week, even though it's miserably hot here, but I can walk on the treadmill or take the kids to the pool, so I can figure it out, I just have to force myself to do it!
Feel like I turned it around these last 2 weeks and can NOT lose momentum. I've lost 2.8 in 2 weeks, where the 2 weeks prior had been .2 gained each week. I'm at a total of 32.8 and am very eager to lose 1.x to be below 240.
I know I MUST exercise this week, even though it's miserably hot here, but I can walk on the treadmill or take the kids to the pool, so I can figure it out, I just have to force myself to do it!
Saturday, August 1, 2009
WW WI 6/27 - 8/1
6/27 - down .2
7/11 - down 1.8 hit 30.4 - yahoo!!!
7/18 - up .2
7/25 - up .2
8/1 - down 1.2 - back on track!
This week I vow to exercise and find an exercise program that I can enjoy and do daily. I think I will go to our local library and find some videos, but that wont happen this week. This week I will walk on the treadmill, find some exercises for my home gym, exercise on the wii and do a water aerobics class.
This week I am meal planning for all our dinners and I am still trying to figure out meal planning for lunch and breakfast.
This week might be a bit of a challenge, but I am determined to have a good week because I to break that next 10!
7/11 - down 1.8 hit 30.4 - yahoo!!!
7/18 - up .2
7/25 - up .2
8/1 - down 1.2 - back on track!
This week I vow to exercise and find an exercise program that I can enjoy and do daily. I think I will go to our local library and find some videos, but that wont happen this week. This week I will walk on the treadmill, find some exercises for my home gym, exercise on the wii and do a water aerobics class.
This week I am meal planning for all our dinners and I am still trying to figure out meal planning for lunch and breakfast.
This week might be a bit of a challenge, but I am determined to have a good week because I to break that next 10!
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Back from Vacation
Well, Saturday I weighed in only to find I had gained .2 .... bummer!!
I had planned my meals for our vacation, we were camping so I figured I would exercise more BUT I didn't follow the plan and we really didn't exercise more or enough. I did do my 1st ever water aerobics class which was a blast for me and Rebecca. I know I've gained this week, all I can do is try to be better the next few days and hope for the best when I go on Saturday.
For our next vacation, I will plan better meals and plan alternative drinks, desserts and snacks. We had deli meat and I just couldn't eat that everyday and so the 1st suggestion for fast food, I jumped at it. We did spend a lot of time in the pool, but we should have gone on more walks instead of using the golf cart.
I'm in a bit of a sour mood because I didn't follow my plan, but I am getting back on track today and will have a healthy dinner tonight and good meals tomorrow.
I had planned my meals for our vacation, we were camping so I figured I would exercise more BUT I didn't follow the plan and we really didn't exercise more or enough. I did do my 1st ever water aerobics class which was a blast for me and Rebecca. I know I've gained this week, all I can do is try to be better the next few days and hope for the best when I go on Saturday.
For our next vacation, I will plan better meals and plan alternative drinks, desserts and snacks. We had deli meat and I just couldn't eat that everyday and so the 1st suggestion for fast food, I jumped at it. We did spend a lot of time in the pool, but we should have gone on more walks instead of using the golf cart.
I'm in a bit of a sour mood because I didn't follow my plan, but I am getting back on track today and will have a healthy dinner tonight and good meals tomorrow.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Week 24 so far...
Well, I've definitely had better weeks, but this week I committed to tracking like it or not and in that regard I've been successful. I've used all my points this week plus my activity points, it was the damn Bagel Chips!!! But that's okay because I know that's a problem and I will overcome that.
Today was a better day, I have 8 pts left for the evening if I am hungry, but dinner tonight was so yummy I feel completely satisfied.
Tonight we had Seared Tuna Steaks with a Soy, Sherry, Lime reduction and Brussels Sprouts, which we love and Sophia does too.. the kids enjoyed the Tuna with their Chicken Nuggets, Broccoli and Brussels Sprouts.
Tomorrow we will have Jamaican Jerk Grilled Kebabs (6pts) with grilled vegetables. We had it before and it was wonderful!
Today was a better day, I have 8 pts left for the evening if I am hungry, but dinner tonight was so yummy I feel completely satisfied.
Tonight we had Seared Tuna Steaks with a Soy, Sherry, Lime reduction and Brussels Sprouts, which we love and Sophia does too.. the kids enjoyed the Tuna with their Chicken Nuggets, Broccoli and Brussels Sprouts.
Tomorrow we will have Jamaican Jerk Grilled Kebabs (6pts) with grilled vegetables. We had it before and it was wonderful!
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Before Picture - December 2008 and Current Picture July 2009 - total loss 30.4 lbs
This is the picture that made me cry. Made me realize how big I was and I was so saddened by it.
This is me on the right this past weekend. I can see the difference in my face and in my body. I've taken some pictures at home, but I really haven't looked at them.
I think I will start a monthly picture so that I can add a slideshow or something going forward.
Week 23 Weigh In
Well, I was shocked to see that this week I had lost 1.8 which made me hit 30 lbs! I guess even though I have not been tracking, I'm at least making better choices.
I committed this week to tracking like it or not and so I'm tracking the good the bad and the ugly. Tracking really does work, I know it works and I know while this week hasn't been the greatest, that if I can track every meal every day, then I will be successful and accountable.
I have a close friend who has started a weight loss journey. She's doing great, but her plan is so strict that I worry she will give up and not continue on. It seems to be giving her the kick start she needed, but if I've learned nothing else throughout the many years of weight gain, is that losing weight and maintaining it will be a lifestyle change that until January 2009 I was not ready for.
My new found weakness is Jalapeno Bagel Chips. I just had a big binge on them today and will unfortunately have to pay whatever price as a result, but I can not go to the bagel shop anymore that sells them. They are so yummy but at 3 pts for 1 ounce they are not worse then potato chips, but my problem is I can't stop eating them!!!
I have partially planned our family meals this week, but because I didn't commit it to a spreadsheet and the side dishes, it's been harder than it used to be. I regret not saving my meal plans from the past.
Beginning next week, I will create a meal plan for Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner and I will save them in a notebook so that I can refer back to them for ideas. This is my new goal that I think will ultimately help make meal planning faster and easier.
Next week we will be on vacation, so am also committing to myself and anyone that reads this that I will plan our meals and I will count my points in advance of our camping trip. This way I will know in advance what wiggle room I have and therefore I can be successful on our trip.
I committed this week to tracking like it or not and so I'm tracking the good the bad and the ugly. Tracking really does work, I know it works and I know while this week hasn't been the greatest, that if I can track every meal every day, then I will be successful and accountable.
I have a close friend who has started a weight loss journey. She's doing great, but her plan is so strict that I worry she will give up and not continue on. It seems to be giving her the kick start she needed, but if I've learned nothing else throughout the many years of weight gain, is that losing weight and maintaining it will be a lifestyle change that until January 2009 I was not ready for.
My new found weakness is Jalapeno Bagel Chips. I just had a big binge on them today and will unfortunately have to pay whatever price as a result, but I can not go to the bagel shop anymore that sells them. They are so yummy but at 3 pts for 1 ounce they are not worse then potato chips, but my problem is I can't stop eating them!!!
I have partially planned our family meals this week, but because I didn't commit it to a spreadsheet and the side dishes, it's been harder than it used to be. I regret not saving my meal plans from the past.
Beginning next week, I will create a meal plan for Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner and I will save them in a notebook so that I can refer back to them for ideas. This is my new goal that I think will ultimately help make meal planning faster and easier.
Next week we will be on vacation, so am also committing to myself and anyone that reads this that I will plan our meals and I will count my points in advance of our camping trip. This way I will know in advance what wiggle room I have and therefore I can be successful on our trip.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Today...
Today I am hoping for a good day. I've got to get back to weighing and measuring. I know it works and I know while I'm having small successes that my successes would be bigger and better if I was tracking, weighing, measuring and exercising.
Things personally are so stressful and I'm so proud of myself for not completely binging however, I constantly remind myself that if it's not this current stress, it will be another stress and I've got to make good choices on what goes in my mouth and about exercising regardless of what is happening that's stressing me out... it's easier said then done, but I figure the more I remind myself the more likely I will be to follow that.
I will try today to capture my goals and get them in here so that I see them and start working towards them more vigorously.
Things personally are so stressful and I'm so proud of myself for not completely binging however, I constantly remind myself that if it's not this current stress, it will be another stress and I've got to make good choices on what goes in my mouth and about exercising regardless of what is happening that's stressing me out... it's easier said then done, but I figure the more I remind myself the more likely I will be to follow that.
I will try today to capture my goals and get them in here so that I see them and start working towards them more vigorously.
Monday, July 6, 2009
Good Start... ended badly
Well, I was off to a good start today... had a few bad phone calls that I let put me in a mood.. so instead of salmon, zucchini and rice for dinner, I had wings and fries. It was my choice, I looked myself in the mirror and said "you made a bad choice, but tomorrow will be better"
Daily I remind myself that my food choices and my outlook on life is what is in my control. I do not want to be like others in my family and extended family. I will win this battle and I will set a good example for others including my children.
Rebecca who is 7 has always been healthy, made healthier choices for the most part, but Sophia who is 2 would drink juice, eat Popsicles, ice cream, lollipop's and candy all day long if we let her. oh and Soda, she loves soda although I keep telling her it's blah! Rebecca has never drank soda, tasted it once and decided she didn't like it, didn't touch ice cream until she was probably 5 and was always satisfied with 3 jelly beans as a treat. I worry so much more about Sophia because she does have a gravitation towards the junky food, although she loves Brussels sprouts about as much as she loves hot dogs.
Anyway, today was a rough emotional day, I know unfortunately there will be many more ahead of me the next few months with personal changes that we are going through, but we will make it and I will succeed.
Daily I remind myself that my food choices and my outlook on life is what is in my control. I do not want to be like others in my family and extended family. I will win this battle and I will set a good example for others including my children.
Rebecca who is 7 has always been healthy, made healthier choices for the most part, but Sophia who is 2 would drink juice, eat Popsicles, ice cream, lollipop's and candy all day long if we let her. oh and Soda, she loves soda although I keep telling her it's blah! Rebecca has never drank soda, tasted it once and decided she didn't like it, didn't touch ice cream until she was probably 5 and was always satisfied with 3 jelly beans as a treat. I worry so much more about Sophia because she does have a gravitation towards the junky food, although she loves Brussels sprouts about as much as she loves hot dogs.
Anyway, today was a rough emotional day, I know unfortunately there will be many more ahead of me the next few months with personal changes that we are going through, but we will make it and I will succeed.
How do you....
How do you help someone who doesn't want to help themselves? Sometimes I feel surrounded by people who only want to complain but don't want to change the way things are. I can only control my choices, I can't control my husband, my children or my family and friends choices.
People have to realize that telling me that they have to lose weight or else, or that they are in a depression and need to seek treatment doesn't solve that. I'm fine listening to it the 1st time, 2nd time, 3rd time but if they haven't made any effort to try to fix it, telling me isn't going to do anything. For some, I've heard this same thing for the past 5 years. Denial... they are in such denial!! So, I continue to say...
You are the only one that can change what you are doing...
A house is just a house, it's not important what house you live it, if it's unhealthy for you move!
I control what I put in my mouth, I am responsible for what I eat.. I have never and will never blame anyone for my weight issues, they are 100% mine.
My father can blame himself all he wants, I don't put blame on him. I chose that extra serving of mashed potato's, I filled my plate, ate until I was stuffed and ate more. It's no one's fault but my own and therefore only I can fix it and that is what I'm doing.
I really truly am sad for my family that can not overcome their own issues. I hope one day I can inspire them, I hope that it's not going to be too late. I realize that it's hard to lose weight and can be so overwhelming to see such a large # to lose, but even 5lbs can make such a difference.
If you had a choice of being on oxygen and being in severe pain and overeating vs. making a healthy eating choice, what choice would you make? I know when I feel overwhelmed the easy choice is overeating, but the right choice is to make a healthy eating choice.
Today I will continue to remind myself to make a conscious decision to not eat badly, that is my battle and one that I plan on winning. I will not be like my family, I will set goals and I will accomplish them. I will take control of my life and not blame anyone else for my failures. If I say I'm going to do it, I will DO IT!
People have to realize that telling me that they have to lose weight or else, or that they are in a depression and need to seek treatment doesn't solve that. I'm fine listening to it the 1st time, 2nd time, 3rd time but if they haven't made any effort to try to fix it, telling me isn't going to do anything. For some, I've heard this same thing for the past 5 years. Denial... they are in such denial!! So, I continue to say...
You are the only one that can change what you are doing...
A house is just a house, it's not important what house you live it, if it's unhealthy for you move!
I control what I put in my mouth, I am responsible for what I eat.. I have never and will never blame anyone for my weight issues, they are 100% mine.
My father can blame himself all he wants, I don't put blame on him. I chose that extra serving of mashed potato's, I filled my plate, ate until I was stuffed and ate more. It's no one's fault but my own and therefore only I can fix it and that is what I'm doing.
I really truly am sad for my family that can not overcome their own issues. I hope one day I can inspire them, I hope that it's not going to be too late. I realize that it's hard to lose weight and can be so overwhelming to see such a large # to lose, but even 5lbs can make such a difference.
If you had a choice of being on oxygen and being in severe pain and overeating vs. making a healthy eating choice, what choice would you make? I know when I feel overwhelmed the easy choice is overeating, but the right choice is to make a healthy eating choice.
Today I will continue to remind myself to make a conscious decision to not eat badly, that is my battle and one that I plan on winning. I will not be like my family, I will set goals and I will accomplish them. I will take control of my life and not blame anyone else for my failures. If I say I'm going to do it, I will DO IT!
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Starting July 7th ~ DST Biggest Loser!
So, work is having a Biggest Loser competition. Just in time for me to get re-motivated! All I have to do is share my loss (or gain) every Monday through end of August. I'm really hoping that this competition will be what I needed to get my butt back in gear!
Life is stressful and I don't have control over much of it right now, but I have to remind myself that I have control over what goes in my mouth!
Life is stressful and I don't have control over much of it right now, but I have to remind myself that I have control over what goes in my mouth!
Back from Camping
Well, we just got back from camping. We had fun, the kids had fun but man am I tired. We ate good for dinner, but I snacked way too much and drank way too much. Seems like we need to do a few things differently next time we go.
1 - Plan all meals so I can log them and take them so I can see how many extra points I will have for the day
2 - Do more activities, walk down to the marina, do the nature hike, go fishing etc.
3 - Make iced tea and take lemons, I'm much more likely to drink that then water - I drank WAY too much soda, even though it's diet
4 - Find a fun after swimming treat for myself so I don't feel deprived of ice cream while Rebecca is getting hers
5 - Save points for Smores!
1 - Plan all meals so I can log them and take them so I can see how many extra points I will have for the day
2 - Do more activities, walk down to the marina, do the nature hike, go fishing etc.
3 - Make iced tea and take lemons, I'm much more likely to drink that then water - I drank WAY too much soda, even though it's diet
4 - Find a fun after swimming treat for myself so I don't feel deprived of ice cream while Rebecca is getting hers
5 - Save points for Smores!
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
July 1st
Today started out good, but then I think I went down hill with eating leftovers for lunch. Seems to be a bit of a problem for me. Also, I need to go back to measuring and weighing my food. That's definitely a problem.
This weekend we are going camping, so all food will be planned in advance which should make it better for me. Will have the Ice Cream after swimming splurge, but I also know that I'll be more active while there.
This weekend we are going camping, so all food will be planned in advance which should make it better for me. Will have the Ice Cream after swimming splurge, but I also know that I'll be more active while there.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Where I've been
Well, here it goes. I've been wanting to start a blog about my weight loss journey since it started, but it's taken me forever to get to this point. So much happening which doesn't belong in this blog.
I have attempted Weight Watcher's several times on my own to never have lost any weight. In March 2008 I started WW online, never stopped paying for it and by January 2009 had put on about 20 lbs. In December 2008 I said I was going to start attending WW meetings. Finally got my nerve up to go to the 1st meeting on January 24, 2009 at my top weight of 273.8.
Since my first WW meeting, I've consistently lost weight:
There will be no official weigh in this coming week because of 4th of July being on Saturday, but I will hopefully have a good weigh in next Saturday. Been eating badly the last 2 days, but I've walked more this week than I did all of last week, so that's a plus!
I have attempted Weight Watcher's several times on my own to never have lost any weight. In March 2008 I started WW online, never stopped paying for it and by January 2009 had put on about 20 lbs. In December 2008 I said I was going to start attending WW meetings. Finally got my nerve up to go to the 1st meeting on January 24, 2009 at my top weight of 273.8.
Since my first WW meeting, I've consistently lost weight:
- 1/31 - 270.4 - down 3.4
- 2/7 - 267.6 - down 2.8 ** hit my first 5 lbs
- 2/14 - 265.6 - down 2
- 2/21 - 264.6 - down 1
- 2/28 - 261.6 - down 3 ** hit my first 10 lbs!
- 3/7 - 261.6 - even
- 3/14 - 259.4 - down 2.2 - hit my 5% goal!!!
- 3/21 - 258.4 - down 1- hit my first 15 lbs!
- 3/28 - 256.2 - down 2.2 - got 2 bravo stickers at my WW meeting for making good choices!
- 4/4 - 254.6 - down 1.6
- 4/11 - 253.4 - down 1.2 - hit 20 lbs!
- 4/18 - 252.8 - down .6
- 4/25 - 251.6 - down 1.2
- 5/2 - 249.4 - down 2.2
- 5/9 - 249.2 - down .2
- 5/16 - 250 - up .8 * this was my first gain, I knew it would happen eventually and I'm glad it was not a whole lb
- 5/23 - 246.6 - down 3.4 - hit my 10%, hit 25 lbs - very very very exciting day!
- 5/30 - 246 - down .6 for a total of 27.8
- 6/6 - 245 - down 1 for a total of 28.8
- 6/13 - 245.4 - up .4 bad week, could have honestly been worse
- 6/20 - no weigh in, was out of town
- 6/27 - down .2 - really really shocked that I didn't gain more than a pound, I was thrilled with the loss
There will be no official weigh in this coming week because of 4th of July being on Saturday, but I will hopefully have a good weigh in next Saturday. Been eating badly the last 2 days, but I've walked more this week than I did all of last week, so that's a plus!
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